Mom of 11-year-old twins refuses school's demands to provide identifiers so that teachers could tell the kids apart: ‘That can easily be done by asking the child his name’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Jan 6, 2026 2:00 PM EST

A school is responsible for a child almost as much as their parents.

Children spend about a third of their weekdays at school, and another third sleeping. This means that 5 out of the 7 days of the week, kids spend as much time at school as they do at home with their parents, each taking up exactly a third of their day. And that doesn't take into consideration the time they spend with their friends, doing homework, or working on their hobbies.

Schools, or more specifically, teachers, end up knowing their students even more than their parents do. They get to learn about their students' personalities, friends, favorite activities, and even medical history. All within the school's four walls.

When the mother of the 11-year-old twin boys, James and Ben, sends her children to school, she expects the school and its staff to know her boys enough to be able to tell them apart. Even if they wear uniforms, they have enough distinctions so that someone who sees them every single day at school would be able to easily tell which one is James and which one is Ben.

However, this was not so obvious to the school's staff, especially not to the medical officer, who is in charge of giving the students the medicine each is supposed to get every day. The fact that the boys look so much alike led the school to send a message to their mom and ask her to ensure the boys are easy to distinguish going forward, so they don't get each other's medicine.

The mom thought this request was quite ridiculous, and not even because she believes that someone who interacts with her boys every single day should be able to tell them apart. No, the ridiculousness came from the fact that the kids already possess an easy identifier – their names. They are 11, not 2, and both are more than capable of stating their names if asked, especially when it comes to receiving their medical treatment.

This led the mom to tell the school, very clearly, that the responsibility to make sure they have the right child is theirs, and not hers.

Do you agree? Keep scrolling to read the full story and let us know your thoughts in the comments down below. 

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  • Twins Boys smiliing
    via Twins

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I have twin sons (aged 11) who are not identical, but who do look similar - their older sister looks pretty similar to them too.
    via Top-Relationship359
  • "James" is taller and slightly more slender in the face. "Ben" is more freckle-y and is noticeably paler.
    via Top-Relationship359
  • They have the same eye and hair colour, but James has longer hair, and his is more wavy than Ben's.
    via Top-Relationship359
  • James tends to be very neat and tidy while Ben is, somehow, always covered in ink and / or paint.
    via Top-Relationship359
  • In school, they are in uniform so are dressed identically. Classes are split by ability but their scores are close enough to each other that they are in the same groups for everything though they have different friendship groups and different hobbies.
    via Top-Relationship359
  • Both go to Chess Club though that is the only club / sport they have in common and most of the time, they don't interact much in school and each does their own thing.
    via Top-Relationship359
  • They have, however, when asked, told me they do sometimes get called the wrong name still even though they have been there since September.
    via Top-Relationship359
  • Both boys have permission to take medication in school due to seasonal allergies and eczema - antihistamines and eczema cream is stored in school for the boys to access as and when needed.
    via Top-Relationship359
  • They use different medication and creams which is personal preference - one has liquid and one has tablets and they use different creams as they find different ones helpful.
    via Top-Relationship359
  • I have sent in the permission slips and meds and left it at that. I got an email over the holiday regarding the medication.
    via Top-Relationship359
  • It states the instances of the boys being mixed up are "not reducing" as they look so similar and the Medical Officer (secondary schools in the UK do not have a school nurse) is concerned the wrong child will be given the wrong medication.
    via Top-Relationship359
  • As such, she has asked me to ensure the boys are "easy to distinguish" going forwards.
    via Top-Relationship359
  • Public school building. Exterior view of school building with playground
    via Saulius Barasa

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My initial reaction is absolutely not. It is up to the person administering the medication to ensure they are giving it to the right person and that can easily be done by asking the child what his name is.
    via Top-Relationship359
  • They are 11 years old, they are more than capable of giving the right name and have no interest at all in swapping places for the sake of getting each others meds.
    via Top-Relationship359
  • I do understand the concern in terms of making sure the right medication is given to the right child, but the responsibility for that lies solely with the school while they are in the care of the school, and I will not be send them back after the holiday looking in any way "easy to distinguish." WIBTA if I told the school it was their responsibility to make sure they have the right child, not mine?
    via Top-Relationship359
  • NTA tieflingteeth "Dear Medical Officer, Thank you for your helpful suggestion, as requested I have made my sons easily distinguishable by assigning them different names 11 years ago. Please feel free to ask each child their name before administering any medication. It is of course your responsibility to ensure you know to whom you are giving medication. Kind regards, OP" Also if your kids have any ID like a bus pass or official school notebook with their names on, you could suggest they bring t
    via tieflingteeth
  • techbear72 YWNBTA but phrase it as "the way to tell them apart is to ask their name and they will respond, please let me know if you need my help any further with this" and leave it at that, to show them how to do this rather than just saying "no" which the school might see as obstructionist. They'll see you as sarcastic of course but they do deserve the sharp response here.
    via techbear72
  • AfraidOstrich9539 INFO: Exactly HOW do they mess it up? I'm not believing that the school staff can't/didn't ask for their names. I'm not believing your boys can't/didn't tell the staff "that's not mine" If true get in touch with your local authority and demand an investigation. But like I said... I don't believe it.
    via AfraidOstrich9539
  • OP Top-Relationship359 As far as I know, they haven't been given each others, it read much more like an "I'm worried it might happen." It would absolutely be an LA / OFSTED thing if they did manage to get it wrong though.
    via Top-Relationship359
  • duketheunicorn NTA. " as per your request I've furnished them each with a unique identifier: their name, which will conveniently correspond with the written markings on the medication."
    via duketheunicorn
  • CommunicationEasy142 They should be confirming the child's identity anyway, even if they don't have a twin!
    via CommunicationEasy142
  • Tiberius TheFish I think it's reasonable for you to point out to the school that you have already made them easily distinguishable by the cunning stratagem of giving them different names.
    via TiberiusTheFish
  • Syveril Don't argue. Just say you have distinguished them clearly. One is James and one is Ben. They are both happy to speak their names. YWNBTA, but I think you want to avoid being directly combative when you can instead make them look stupid.
    via Syveril
  • OldBroad1964 How to tell the boys apart: "what is your name?" Since they have different names it's easy to tell who's who by the answer. Have a nice day. Signed Parent.
    via OldBroad1964
  • katie-kaboom How are you supposed to make your twin sons who have to wear identical school uniforms more distinguishable? Face tattoos? This is a ridiculous request from the school. You WBNTA if you told them that it's their job to ask the child's name before giving them medication.
    via katie-kaboom

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aita school students kids mother siblings teacher parenting family twins mom parents children Father
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